deep_waters

The only thing I like about the Holidays being over is this...

... summer's just around the corner! This means:

- more beach trips
- more dive trips
- darker tan
- more roadtrips
- more adventures!

... not that I don't do these things off-season.. but I just love how the sun shines so brightly on a clear summer day and burns my skin a bit. Besides, I think I'm too pale already. It's time for my summer tan!!!

Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm so excited!

And just when you think that ARROWS are an international communication symbol and it's the same in any country you go to, I get this in Vietnam.

What the aircon remote in my hotel room says:

TEMPERATURE:
Low (Arrow pointing upwards)
High (Arrow pointing downwards)

If you think there is a LOGICAL explatation for this, please enlighten me!

I cut my hair shorter - yet again. This time, it's right under my ears. I haven't taken decent pics yet for documentation but I will. I'm having so much fun with short hair. After having the same long hair for almost forever, it's just amazing how quickly I can finish taking a shower now and how I can style it in the morning and never have to worry about it the whole day. The best part about having this do is that even when it's messy, it still looks intentional. I haven't even combed it for the longest time.

Curly hair is not actually difficult to manage. The secret is really in the products you use - from the shampoo, conditioner, the styling products to the once-in-a-while treatments. If you just know what works and what doesn't for you, then it's really easy to maintain :)

haha! sobrang naaliw. I think I'd like to stay in this length for now. It's way too much fun! Woohoo!!

1. My cool new Adidas sweater
2. Free accomodation at the Parklane Cebu
3. Unbelievably easy cab rides (and non-harassing too!) in Cebu
4. FREE Wi-Fi connection with coffee
5. Being stranded in Cebu and getting to spend a day with myself.

Marami pa.. but for now, eto muna :)

my dearest friends whom i trusted for so long...

i'm planning to have my hair cut REALLY SHORT. as in kung pwede, emilyn-freshman-days short!!! and i don't care how much it's going to cost me. or if i have to have it straightened again. i just want it short. now i know i've just broken up with someone, but...

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO EXPERIENCE THIS. THIS IS ONE OF MY LIFETIME DREAMS.

i've had loooong hair ever since 4th grade. before that my mom had it boy cut and all my pics before then looked like i was a kid with a big round bush on my head, if you know what i mean. i don't know what my mom was thinking then..heheh.

i want it fashionably short.

i'm having consultation with different stylists soon.. i'm so excited..hehehe.

This morning I woke up feeling that V-day is the same as any other day in the year. 

I have the sweetest boyfriend in the world who gives me flowers and takes me to romantic dates even when it's not V-day.  Upon entering the office gate, I saw hoards of flowers - dozens of roses waiting to be picked up by the special ladies they were intended for.  I just walked past it - didn't even check if I had any.  But as soon as I sat on my desk, the guard called me up and begged me to pick up my flowers at the gate before they wilt!  Haha! isa pala sakin dun!!!

Lo and behold - a dozen red roses await me pala! It was the funniest, yet the sweetest thing that happened today.  So from the gate, I took the walk of shame...

I think the sweetest thing was that I really didn't expect anything.  What bryan does everyday so MORE THAN ENOUGH ALREADY.  And he still manages to outdo himself all the time.  He still manages to make me fall in love with him EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I really am the luckiest girl...

Dear Jesus,

Happy birthday! I still haven't given you any gift.  But I want to thank you for giving me mine - spread throughout the year, of course! Unlike me, you are no crammer!

My top 3 gifts for this year are:

#3 --> making it possible to do a career shift so that I get to do something I truly enjoy!
#2 --> shell job offer for bryan which eventually led to his relocation to manila. LDR no more!
#1--> a spanking brand-new nephew named NICO :) - he's just the most adorable baby in the world! (because Luis said he's no longer a baby - he's a kuya already)

You're the best! I couldn't ask for more.

Love,
Jean

<p><a href="http://forge.codedgraphic.com/lakbayan"><img style="border:0px;" src="http://forge.codedgraphic.com/lakbayan/map-v1.0?aacackckakbpbakapfaaahkcaabafpcdaapcckpcabkaahacupaapadmkbacramkcamkakkrmdmdhaakaaaaaaaaaa9149" title="Lakbayan Visited Map" alt="" /></a><br /><a href="http://forge.codedgraphic.com/lakbayan"><img style="border:0px;margin-top:5px;" src="http://forge.codedgraphic.com/lakbayan/grade-b-" title="Lakbayan Grade: B-" alt="" /></a></p><p><strong>My Lakbayan grade is B-!</strong><p><p>How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at <a href="http://forge.codedgraphic.com/lakbayan">Lakbayan</a>!</p><cite style="font-size:85%">Created by <a href="http://vaes9.codedgraphic.com">Eugene Villar</a>.</cite>

i finally get the time and energy to post on my blog.  just want to document that i am REALLY HAPPY with this man in my life :)

he knows exactly how to handle me and does it pretty well.

and like some bigshot giving advice, i just told a friend who asked for advice, "just don't play it by the book but at the same time, be WISE"

the only way to know a person's worth is to either love him or lose him.

my move to marketing/cmd is already FINAL. Finance FINALLY let me go. What makes it harder to
leave though, is that they have all been so kind and gracious about it. Ironically, it's when I'm about to leave that I begin to appreciate and really see what makes this team really SPECIAL.

Although it's sad that I'll be cutting of my boss-subordinate relationship with Selina so soon, I wouldn't have decided otherwise. Had I not pushed through with my move, I would not have seen her for the leader that she really is. Despite the fact that there was nothing in it for her (she was going to lose me anyway), she managed the whole thing for me and did an excellent job at it. One can really see her innate concern for her people. She simply wants the best for them - whether it be advantageous or disadvantageous - which is rare in this company.

It is so hard nowadays, to find bosses who would think about their people first before themselves - and that's true leadership, for me.

And sometimes, I would ask myself, now that I've gotten to know her better, would I have changed my decision? My answer is still no. Because of everything that happened, I have learned so much from her and I have appreciate and love her for it.  Hindi ko parin talaga ipagpapalit.  Madami talaga akong natutunan.

i would rather lose a person and realize his/her worth afterwards than not losing him/her and have taken him/her for granted the whole time. the AWE was worth it. :)

still, no regrets. and I have been blessed because I really believe that everything happened at God's opportune time. Galing. Galing.

lastly, one more learning (for this experience and for breakups too): it is how people act when being broken up with, that defines their character.   for when despite being on the losing side, kindness , grace and selflessness are displayed, one can conclude that their love was really true - simply for the reason that they just want their loved one to be happy - even if it doesn't include them in the picture.

letting go gracefully, is one of the most selfless acts of love a person can do.

last monday marked my 18th month at work. apart from an increase, i am officially confirmed, hence di na nila ako pwedeng basta-basta tanggalin.

my 3 greatest learnings at work are:

1) Pareto Principle - big ticket items first. you will never do 100% of what people ask you.
2) Bite the Bullet - shit happens. when it does, just face the consequences. worst case is sisigawan ka. but you'll still be alive after that. sabi nga ni mae cortes, "what doesn't kill you...will make you want to kill yourself..(just kiding)...syempre will make you stronger"
3) never assume.

so that's that..what happens now?

abangan ang susunod na kabanata...

bryan's such an inspiration to me.

yesterday, he officially started with his new job in Shell - based in Manila. Yes, dear friends, my Bryan has already moved to Manila. Today, after work, I went to Makati to have dinner with him. I can't believe it. After 8 months, we were finally making dinner plans like a normal couple - or at least a couple who lives in the same city as each other. We ate at Platofino, this Mediterranean resto Nicko said was overrated. (heheh). While I was sitting across him, It just hit me - how can this guy just drastically change his life like that? He just packed his bags and just left for a new city, a new career, a new life. Even with so much fear, he just did it. "It's the first step," he said, "all you need to do is step forward for the first time - and your other foot will follow and so forth..", as he tried to point out that I shouldn't be afraid to take risks in altering my way of life. "Tignan mo Jean, when you learned how to drive, which gear was the hardest to do? Diba yung primera? Ganun lang yun."

"Did you ever imagine yourself to be working in Manila ever in your life?" I asked.
"No. Never. I hated Manila", he said. "But you meet people and plans change. That's life.", he added.

Yup, plans do change. I've been so afraid all my life to make really big and risky decisions. I've always described myself to be a daredevil but come to think of it, I haven't really dared anything at all. I'm afraid to make mistakes. And I've always claimed to have an independent mind, unaffected of what other people say. But the truth is, I AM AFFECTED. People's opinions DO influence me. So what am I? Am I the passive, dependent person I dread to become? It's actually sad.

Its a good thing that people like Bryan hang around me to serve as living examples that it CAN happen. Even if you risk it all, there's still happiness at the end of it.

Hay...so Jean, when will you make the first gear?

I hate how I'm the laziest person on this planet.

Sometimes, when I look around and I see my friends actually reaching for their dreams, conquering the world, starting their own business or advocacy, I feel like shit for just plainly joining the workforce and doing it for the last 1.5 years (almost).

And sometimes, I'm even too lazy to make my own decisions. Actually, lazy is not the word - risk-averse. I'm just being thrown around at work wherever the bosses want me to be. Although I can't complain much and I'm actually starting to enjoy work, I just feel that right now I'm being taken wherever the wind takes me. No active choices, no fighting for decisions I made. Maybe I'm missing the UP-spirit. Pakikipaglaban. I don't know.

I have dreams, I have aspirations. But as Bryan would always say, I haven't even taken step 1.

Jean, you have to get your butt off that couch you've been lazily sitting on.

I look at his photo and feel nothing.
All the pain, all the bitterness suddenly disappears
If I bring back the years of heartbrokeness,
The only thing that kept me going was this -
- I can't wait for the day when I will tell myself,

You're all worth it. I'm glad you finally came.

i super love bantayan island!







ngayon lang ata ako nakakilala ng taong mas maliit pa ang mata sakin pag tumatawa. huwat?!?!?

bryan actually has freckles on his face (yihee, feeling mestizo)...i just love them to death!

Here's one of my favorite portaits of him - on the phone and a bowl of fruits. Don't they look pretty? (the fruits, i mean). It actually took me 20 minutes and 15 shots before I finally let him eat it. This was taken when we were in Breakfast at Antonio's. Good view, good food.

One of the things I love about Bryan is that he lets me rediscover who I am and the things I really love doing - like photography. Like what I told him, he's my "comfort zone".

sucess ba? woo hoo!!! sa wakas, natuto din ako mag-upload ng pics dito sa lj ko. congrats to me! hehehe. medyo sablay nga lang. ang laki nung pic na na-upload ko. pano ba nagagawa yung may konting pics tapos kapag nag-click yung nagbabasa, more pics pop out. i swear, i don't know shit about this stuff.

anyway, this is my first post in a loooong time. sobrang grabe ang trabahong lever. two days ago, i swear i almost had a nervous breakdown. i really felt this headache in a part of my head than never hurt before. i feel it hurt everytime i start thinking of all the work problems. hay.

bryan and i also had an argument which ended last night. it's so hard to fight with someone so far away. you can't just hug him when you're out of excuses in the hopes that he'd forget about everything. no, you have to explain everything because that's the only thing you can do - talk.

still, i'm thankful for having him around this time of my life. he always tells me to throw my big "life rule-book" out of the window. "ang problema sayo jean, puro ka theory", he says, "dapat minsan, gawin mo yung gusto mo lang talaga gawin". good point. this guy is the complete opposite of me when it comes to perspective in life. and the way we were brought up is so different. but it works...i hope.

we've had so much adventures together. in the almost-3-months that i've known him, we've been to:
1) kawasan falls
2) moalboal beach
3) mactan island
4) camiguin
5) leyte/samar
6) bantayan beach
7) tagaytay

adventure ba? but i hope to be able to experience normal stuff with him. i always tell him that whenever he comes to manila, we should do normal stuff that couples do - watch a movie, have dinner, etc. sometimes, that's the downside of being in an LDR. it's hard to determine "normal" behaviour because each time you're together, there's always an urge to make it special.

that's it for now. hope to post more pics in the future! heheh.

The schedule for the next LD retreat is set on September 15-17. Like I said, there's no need to take a leave on the 15th. It starts at 630pm so all you need to do is leave the office early.

The retreat will be held in Karis Retreat house in Tagaytay City.

Leave your email if you're interested so I can send you the official invite. Hope to see yOU!

This is dedicated to Em..

..not just this entry...but this whole journal!
This is to how she inspired me to write and open up my heart to writing again, after years of having the perception that I can't write, that I'm not good at it. I was seriously scared of a pen and paper before...and it took me forever just to write an essay. I had closed my mind to the fact that I am never going to be a writer.

And now, I love it as much as I love the sun on my skin on a bright sunny beach day.
I carry around a notebook and a pen all the time so I won't miss a chance to jot down my thoughts.
And no matter how tired I am when I go home, no matter how late, I still open my computer to capture a day's worth of insights or emotions.

So em, thanks for re-introducing me to writing. And for always praising it. Little by little, you insipired me to give it a chance. And now, I can't imagine not being able to write.

This livejournal is dedicated to you. :)

I just want to post an excerpt from my conversation with jesse...

Jean: you know what's ironic in this world?
divinagraciajesse: what
Jean: that whenever an opportunity comes (career-wise), and it entails the sacrifice of certain personal relationships ( i.e. those that involve a significant other), people tend to assume that the wiser move is to choose career, especially in our age.
Jean: and i'm not saying it's wrong. but parang if there are stories of people staying behind, foregoing opporutnity just to be with the one they love, other people tend to look down on that person for what society deems as a "stupid" decision
Jean: but we all know that at the end of it all, we are all looking for love.and we know that it's the most important thing in the world.
divinagraciajesse: i agree